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Lightweights ain't so light when you drop one on your toe


Time to get us a lightweight champion. Let's make it four for four and create another text ladder!

                  
 Dr. Inferno Jr.  |
                  |                  
                  | Dr. Inferno Jr.  |
 Death by Monkeys |                  |
                                     |                  
                                     |                  |
   Gamma Raptor   |                  |                  |
                  |   Gamma Raptor   |                  |
                  |                                     |
     Hexy Jr.     |                                     |
                                                        |                  
                                                        |
   Toe-Crusher    |                                     |
                  |                                     |
                  |  Wedge of Doom   |                  |
  Wedge of Doom   |                  |                  |
                                     |                  |
                                     |
  Herr GepoŁnden  |                  |
                  |    Code:BLACK    |
                  |
    Code:BLACK    |


(I know they never told us that Wedge of Doom defeated Toe-Crusher. But since we're not going to see the fight, you might as well find out now.)

Bil and Tim do some talking, then it's into the introductions for the first lightweight semifinal of the night. Wedge of Doom has removed the forks from its lifting arm and switched to its wedge that extends all the way across the front of the robot to deflect Code:BLACK's blade. Code:BLACK has made no modifications.

Robot fightin' time. Wedge of Doom flies across the Box to hit Code:BLACK before it can get that blade moving too quickly. But it turns out it doesn't matter, because Code:BLACK doesn't spin its blade at all. And it's a good thing it doesn't matter, because Wedge of Doom veers to the right and only grazes the side of Code:BLACK's body.

Code:BLACK moves forward, out of its square. Wedge of Doom turns around and slams into the side of Code:BLACK, wedging underneath and bouncing it around. I'm guessing that Code:BLACK's weapon isn't working.

Code:BLACK turns around so its rear is facing Wedge of Doom, and... oh. Now its weapon is spinning. Not too quickly, though. Wedge of Doom drives into the blade, takes no damage, and wedges underneath Code:BLACK. Wedge of Doom pushes Code:BLACK a bit.

Code:BLACK drives in circles. Wedge of Doom wedges under it again and pushes it to the sledgehammer, which lands nicely on Code:BLACK's body. Wedge of Doom stays under Code:BLACK, allowing the hammer to hit the robot a total of three times before it gets knocked off the wedge.

The two robots escape the corner. Wedge of Doom gets near Code:BLACK, but keeps turning, overshooting the angle it wants to be at. Code:BLACK runs away. Wedge of Doom gives chase.

Code:BLACK stops running away since it sees that its weapon is useless, and Wedge of Doom gets underneath it again and pushes it into the wall. Then Wedge of Doom pushes it back to the same sledgehammer for another blow.

Code:BLACK backs into a screw and bounces up once. Wedge of Doom comes over and pushes Code:BLACK against the screw a little more. Then Wedge of Doom runs into the screw. Then the robots leave the screw.

Code:BLACK drives toward the wall. Wedge of Doom comes over and wedges underneath again. Wedge of Doom tries to lift Code:BLACK, but its lifting arm slides out from underneath since most of it was removed for this fight. So Wedge of Doom just wedges underneath Code:BLACK again and pushes it around some more.

Code:BLACK runs into the wall. Wedge of Doom comes over and tries the arm again, but it still won't work on Code:BLACK's body. Wedge of Doom pushes a bit and tries the arm a third time. It catches on one of the spikes designed to keep Code:BLACK off its side, but slips out.

Wedge of Doom continues to keep Code:BLACK against the wall. It pushes Code:BLACK over to the screw, which bounces it up and almost knocks it onto its back.

As Code:BLACK bounces on the screw, Wedge of Doom leaves to retract its arm. Code:BLACK leaves the screw, though, so Wedge of Doom comes back over to push it into another screw. Code:BLACK bounces around some more. Wedge of Doom pushes Code:BLACK into the sledgehammer again, which lands on the corner of Code:BLACK. Then the sledgehammer hits Wedge of Doom.

Code:BLACK turns and winds up under the sledgehammer again. Another blow. Wedge of Doom comes over to keep Code:BLACK in that spot. Another blow. Code:BLACK's armor is starting to dent.

Two more blows. Code:BLACK is no longer moving. So Wedge of Doom leaves to perform the victory spin.

As Code:BLACK is counted out, Wedge of Doom runs some wind sprints. There's the buzzer. At least, I hope that was a buzzer.

Post-fight interview. Tony's glad that Wedge of Doom has made it to the finals. Which, now that I think about it, makes sense.

Now here's some BattleBots Trivia: "Which BattleBot lightweight has won the most championships? A. Dr. Inferno Jr., B. Sallad, C. Toaster Oven, D. Ziggo." No, I'm not sure whether that was a joke, either.

Commercials. As you should know, the answer is "Ziggo." As you should also know, since I point it out every time somebody on the show mentions it, it's won more than the two championships that have been aired on Comedy Central. But come on, where in the definition of the word "trivia" does it mention facts? Oh.

Time for another segment on robots that do things that aren't related to fighting. There's the Mars rover, which is no good for fighting because of its high, high ground clearance. And there's a small robot called "Urbie" that the military uses to sneak into dangerous enemy locations for spy purposes. They had to do several takes of this segment because Bil kept calling the cameras on the robot "Slam Cams" and getting all impatient when they wouldn't show any of the video images captured by them.

It's time for the lightweight semifinal that's also a rematch from season three's final -- Dr. Inferno Jr. versus Gamma Raptor. As you'll recall (you WILL recall it), when they last fought, Dr. Inferno Jr. beat Gamma Raptor in a close fight (well, close except for the judges' scores).

Wow, it's been a long time since we've seen Gamma Raptor. It still looks the same, except instead of orange, its top armor is a bright green and yellow mixture. Dr. Inferno Jr. has gotten its eyes back.

Robot fightin' time. Dr. Inferno Jr. drives off at an angle, but then meets Gamma Raptor in the center of the Box. Dr. Inferno Jr. bumps into the side of Gamma Raptor. Gamma Raptor shifts into reverse.

Gamma Raptor gets under the side skirt of Dr. Inferno Jr. and pushes it around a bit. Dr. Inferno Jr. slips off before Gamma Raptor can put it against a wall. A head-on collision between the two robots, then Dr. Inferno Jr. wedges under the rear of Gamma Raptor and starts pushing. A nice turn while Gamma Raptor is still on the wedge, and Dr. Inferno Jr. shoves Gamma Raptor against the spike strip.

The two robots drift dangerously close to the sledgehammer, but neither gets hit. Gamma Raptor backs away from the wall, right into Dr. Inferno Jr. Gamma Raptor goes up the front skirt. Dr. Inferno Jr. may or may not have hit Gamma Raptor with its spinning blade -- it's hard to tell.

Dr. Inferno Jr. tries to push Gamma Raptor around, but the lower teeth on Gamma Raptor get caught in the holes for the ramrods. Dr. Inferno Jr. slips out. It then wedges under the side of Gamma Raptor and pushes it back to the middle of the arena.

Gamma Raptor backs up and charges. Dr. Inferno Jr. simply takes a step back. Gamma Raptor completely misses and quickly turns around to face its opponent again.

Gamma Raptor briefly lifts a skirt, but can't do anything with it. Dr. Inferno Jr. wedges under the back of Gamma Raptor, lifting Gamma Raptor's wheels of the ground. Dr. Inferno Jr. pushes, and Gamma Raptor goes bouncing along the floor, on its face. Gamma Raptor raises its arm, which gets it back in a more horizontal mode. But now Dr. Inferno Jr.'s spinning blade is making contact with Gamma Raptor's side armor. And there are some sparks.

Dr. Inferno Jr. is still pushing Gamma Raptor. But now Dr. Inferno Jr. can't shove Gamma Raptor any further -- it's against the wall. Dr. Inferno Jr. backs up, and Gamma Raptor is back on the ground.

Gamma Raptor starts to use the teeth on its body to push Dr. Inferno Jr. from the side. But the path it's taking goes over the killsaw holes. The saws pop up and toss Gamma Raptor into the air and onto its back.

Gamma Raptor's self-righting procedure involves raising the lifting arm so its body is tilted so its rear wheels touch the floor. A quick tap into reverse, and the body flips over, right side up. And since Gamma Raptor's arm was already raised when the saws tossed it, it takes Gamma Raptor little time to right itself.

Dr. Inferno Jr. gets back to pushing Gamma Raptor. Gamma Raptor flees to the other side of the Box. It charges Dr. Inferno Jr. and bounces the robot around, but can't topple it. Another head-on collision.

Gamma Raptor prepares for another charge. Again, as it charges, Dr. Inferno Jr. dodges with a quick move backward. Gamma Raptor spins around. If I didn't know better, I'd say that was the same thing we saw earlier in the fight, just at a different camera angle.

Gamma Raptor gets under the front wedge of Dr. Inferno Jr. It pushes and lifts, and Dr. Inferno Jr. begins to tilt. Gamma Raptor slams Dr. Inferno Jr. into the wall.

The two position. Gamma Raptor gets under Dr. Inferno Jr. again. The arm is lifting... Dr. Inferno Jr. is nearly perpendicular to the ground. Gamma Raptor slams Dr. Inferno Jr. against another wall. That looked painful. Dr. Inferno Jr. lands on its wheels.

Gamma Raptor has its lifting arm against Dr. Inferno Jr.'s body and the teeth on its body under Dr. Inferno Jr.'s front skirt. Gamma Raptor pushes Dr. Inferno Jr. 40 feet across the full length of the BattleBox and slams it into the wall over there. Again, Dr. Inferno Jr. lands on its wheels. Gamma Raptor flips upside-down.

Gamma Raptor taps into reverse to flip itself back over. But it only manages to turn itself around and drives onto the spike strip, still upside-down.

Dr. Inferno Jr. races over and pushes Gamma Raptor against the wall. Gamma Raptor plays with its lifting arm. It also spins its wheels, but since Dr. Inferno Jr. has gotten all of them off the ground, that doesn't help.

Dr. Inferno Jr. starts to make sparks on Gamma Raptor's armor. Gamma Raptor continues to move its arm. But between the wall and Dr. Inferno Jr., Gamma Raptor can't go anywhere.

Dr. Inferno Jr. backs off. Gamma Raptor raises its arm, getting one of its wheels near the floor. Well, Dr. Inferno Jr. can't have that. It shoves Gamma Raptor fully against the wall again.

Dr. Inferno Jr. turns Gamma Raptor so its back is against the wall. That just makes things worse for Gamma Raptor. Now, even if Dr. Inferno Jr. backs off and lets Gamma Raptor raise its arm, it can't use its rear wheels to right itself.

Dr. Inferno Jr. does back off. And we see that Gamma Raptor is resting on a spike. No matter how Gamma Raptor tries to move its arm, that spike is keeping it from getting its rear wheels on the ground. Dr. Inferno Jr. watches as Gamma Raptor struggles. The clock hits zero.

But since Gamma Raptor spent over a minute of that fight on its head, not going anywhere, the fight is declared a knockout for Dr. Inferno Jr. So it'll be Wedge of Doom and Dr. Inferno Jr. in the lightweight finals.

After this break.

Here's a recap of the fights the two robots have fought this season. Except for, oddly, Dr. Inferno Jr.'s fight with Afterburner, which was the one in which Dr. Inferno Jr. got its right arm torn off. The fight of Dr. Inferno Jr. that featured the most damage. Did they accidentally erase the tape?

By going to the finals twice, Jason Bardis is a "BattleBots All-Star." It's a good excuse for the show to reuse that dark music with the singers chanting "Dr. Inferno" while showing the robot. Hey, they're acknowledging the fact that Dr. Inferno Jr. was actually in the tournament last season. And there's a shot outside Jason Bardis' house showing Dr. Inferno Jr. in action. Props to the cameraman for not flinching as Dr. Inferno Jr. drives directly toward the camera, blade spinning, nearly running into the lens. Actually, I guess if I was shooting it, I wouldn't have flinched, either. It's not my camera.

What the hey, let's get to the fight. During the introductions, Dr. Inferno Jr. is posing with the Custom Series Dr. Inferno Jr. toy. Dr. Inferno Jr. Jr., I guess. Is Jason Bardis allowed to switch to having a multibot in the middle of a tournament?

Wedge of Doom is back to its usual shape. Its introduction is, in its entirety, the encouraging, "This is his first championship match. Introducing Wedge of Doom!"

Robot finals time. The two robots drive out. Wedge of Doom cautiously approaches Dr. Inferno Jr. Dr. Inferno Jr. tries the dodge it performed twice when Gamma Raptor was charging it. But Wedge of Doom isn't moving fast enough for that to be effective.

Some close-up positioning. Dr. Inferno Jr. gets under one of Wedge of Doom's wedges and tries pushing. The two bots only go in circles, though. Wedge of Doom backs off.

Wedge of Doom charges and gets under Dr. Inferno Jr., so it starts pushing. Dr. Inferno Jr. backs off.

Dr. Inferno Jr. tries using its rear skirt to get under Wedge of Doom, but rides up the wedge. Wedge of Doom gets under the front of Dr. Inferno Jr., driving under the robot and out the other side. Dr. Inferno Jr. lands on the saws.

Positioning. Wedge of Doom wedges under Dr. Inferno Jr. again, driving underneath. And again. Then, when Wedge of Doom wedges under Dr. Inferno Jr., it slows down so as to not shoot through to the other side. But Dr. Inferno Jr. escapes from that.

Wedge of Doom gets under Dr. Inferno Jr. again and places it near the saws. Dr. Inferno Jr. escapes before the saws can hit it.

Wedge of Doom is doing well at getting under Dr. Inferno Jr.'s skirts, but can't do much after that. Dr. Inferno Jr. gets a chance to push Wedge of Doom around. But the saws get in the way.

A lot more of Wedge of Doom briefly getting underneath Dr. Inferno Jr. At one point, the saws hit both robots.

While this is going on, I notice that Dr. Inferno Jr. has a different antenna on it for this fight. It's a lot longer and it's dangling from the back of the Tomy Omnibot in midair. It looks like Dr. Inferno Jr. is trolling for trout or something.

All right, here we go -- Wedge of Doom has a good grip underneath Dr. Inferno Jr.'s body. It charges, and Dr. Inferno Jr. is rudely introduced to the spikes. It goes vertical, then plops down on its base. Wedge of Doom gets underneath again and charges, but can't take Dr. Inferno Jr. to a wall the second time.

Dr. Inferno Jr. continues to ride up the wedge of Wedge of Doom. Wedge of Doom tries a lift, but that doesn't work. Dr. Inferno Jr. drives off and nearly gets hit by a sledgehammer.

Some more attempts by each bot to get under the other. At one point, Dr. Inferno Jr. is able to push Wedge of Doom backward. They're both dancing around near a sledgehammer. Dr. Inferno Jr. takes a hit to the base. Wedge of Doom tries to get away.

Dr. Inferno Jr. tries to push Wedge of Doom under the hammer. But it just takes another blow.

Hmm, Wedge of Doom isn't as wily as it was a few seconds ago. It would appear that its left side has ceased to function properly. But still, somehow, Wedge of Doom gets under Dr. Inferno Jr. The arm goes up, but Dr. Inferno Jr. slips off.

Dr. Inferno Jr. again drives up Wedge of Doom's wedge. Wedge of Doom tries the arm again, but that still isn't helping. Oh, and there's some smoke.

Pink smoke begins to pour out of the left side of Wedge of Doom. Okay, its left drive is definitely gone. Dr. Inferno Jr. drives up the wedge. There's the arm again. And Dr. Inferno Jr. slips off again.

Wedge of Doom is drifting toward the saws. Dr. Inferno Jr. drives up the wedge again, then off. And there's the buzzer.

"That was a lightweight fight," says Bil. Eh, make up your own joke about either stating the obvious or the quality of the average lightweight fight. I don't feel like deciding.

Some replays, then we're informed that we'll have to sit through the commercials before we get to find out who won. Hello, fast forward button.

They've stopped doing the "Hit of the Week" this season. Instead, they've changed it to "Hit of the Tournament." We're told that the hit of the lightweight tournament was Wedge of Doom slamming Dr. Inferno Jr. against the wall. Pick your own favorite lightweight moment and complain about how it was better than this one.

Hey, a subliminal message! In one of the frames of the "Hit of the Tournament" graphic, the letters say "GO2 TV MNQ AOKPQLGXHL". See that? Go to TV! And it's A-OK! They're manipulating my mind!

Here's the decision. "Ladies and gentlemen... the three judges... have turned in... a twenty-three... twenty-two... split decision... for the winner... and BattleBots lightweight champion............

"The red square, Dr. Inferno Jr.!"

Jason Bardis is happy. The audience isn't as happy. Because in all honesty, Wedge of Doom should have won that fight.

Interviews. Tony Buchignani sounds angry about the smoke. But he's okay with the judges' decision. Jason Bardis takes the opportunity to promote his Custom Series toy.

Bil and Tim sign off. Jason then mentions every sponsor that he has during his thank yous. And there are the credits.

In case you didn't know, the robot Code:BLACK is named after the hospital emergency code "Code Black" (I'm sure you're shocked by this revelation). Often, a Code Black means that the patient is either dead or beyond recoverability. Interestingly, here are the other coded robots that Team LOGICOM has:

Code:RED -- Fire. This robot was so named because its internals kept igniting during combat. Obviously, it never made it past its first fight.

Code:BLUE -- Medical emergency. This robot was another gas-powered spinner, but its fuel lines kept getting clogged.

Code:YELLOW -- Hazardous materials. This robot kept leaking.

Code:ORANGE -- Bomb threat. This robot was never allowed to fight, since it carried an illegal weapon. And a flamethrower.

Code:PINK -- Infant abduction. This robot never existed. Would you want people thinking of infant abduction whenever they saw you fight?


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